


i hate you ; don't leave me

by arsatine



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: ? - Freeform, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Apologies, Break Up, Canon Compliant, Confessions, Crying, Domestic Fluff, Fights, Fluff and Angst, Getting Back Together, Idol-Verse, Jealousy, Lots of dialogue, M/M, OOC-ish, Swearing, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, bit ooc-ish, everyone calls joshua joshua and not jisoo, i love seoksoo sm my heart is melted, im sorry, jisoo loves seokmin sm, joshua too but minor only, overdramatic soonyoung, seokmin loves jisoo, seokmin swears here, srry, they're so damn whipped for each other, two shot ?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-13
Updated: 2018-01-13
Packaged: 2019-03-04 05:39:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,493
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13357674
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/arsatine/pseuds/arsatine
Summary: "You say you won't leave me alone, Joshua-hyung. But the truth is, you already keep doing so."in which Seokmin is lonely and jealous, Joshua fights back, and things go out of hand.





	1. i hate you

**Author's Note:**

> this may come off as ooc-ish so IM VERY SORRY 
> 
> bc i honestly can't see these two being like this so im very very sorry
> 
> i love these two abd im so sorry fir making our sunshine and angel(saint) fight 
> 
> it was supposed to be one of thosw fluffy jealousy fics but well sue me
> 
> \+ i just bs-ed my way through the title

Seokmin was- is generally a happy person. And he knew that. He seldomly showed negative emotions and as their fans dubbed him- "smile angel", "sunshine", and so on.

But the scowl on his face was anything but a sunshine-y smile. Now, Seokmin is aware that he's scowling and he knows that if any of his members see him do so, they'd be all over him like a swarm of flies. And he doesn't need that right now.

Seokmin attempted to hide his scowl behind his phone, raising it very closely towards his face. But as close as it is, he still kept seeing his boyfriend curled up with Jeonghan on the other couch via his peripheral vision.

His. Boyfriend.

Normally he'd be okay with it, but they were so irritatingly pressed against each other, he just wanted to pull Jeonghan off Joshua. Everyone knew that Jeonghan was cuddly and clingy and demanded attention 24/7/365.  And everyone knew that Joshua was Jeonghan's bestfriend and currently #jihan was so very active lately and it had been grating on Seokmin's patience.

The cinch was, no one knew that Seokmin and Joshua were dating. Just saying, it was completely Seokmin's idea to hide it from everyone. His fault.

So to calm down his jealousy, he spent more time with Soonyoung, doing random shit and annoying the hell out of the other members. Well, he used to spend a lot more time with Soonyoung... until Jihoon went up to him called him off for "stealing his boyfriend."

So he went to Chan instead of third-wheeling all the other couples in their group. Sure, the kid was fun and all that but he missed his bestfriend and his boyfriend. Both of whom have now been taken away from him.

Now, back to the matter at hand. Seokmin was used to the sight of Jeonghan and Joshua being a touchy-feely and cute shit but did they have to spend hours cuddled up with each other especially when there weren't any cameras around?

Honestly, he partially blames Seungcheol. He's pretty busy writing raps and doing leader duties so he just leaves Jeonghan to Joshua, knowing that the both of them wouldn't do anything. Leaving Seokmin to wallow in his lonliness despite being in a relationship. Great.

He noticed the two shuffling again, their legs tangled together, Jeonghan leaning against Joshua's chest, Joshua's arm thrown over Jeonghan's torso. Nope. He's had enough.

Seokmin pushed off the blanket on top of his legs and stormed out of the living room to his shared bedroom (which, thankfully was empty) slamming the door a bit too hard, faceplanting on his bed.

'Fine.' He thought. 'If he's going to be this way, I don't care. Let him.' He plugged on his headphones and let music flow to his ears, his face still mushed against the pillow.

After a few minutes, he heard the door creak open followed by a voice that he was painfully familiar with.

"Minnie?"

He felt the side of the bed dip down, indicating that the other boy sat down beside him. Stubbornly ignoring Joshua, Seokmin snuggled further against the pillow, hoping that the elder would take the hint and leave.

"I know you're not asleep. What's wrong?"

"Nothing hyung. I'm just sleepy. Go finish your movie marathon with Jeonghan-hyung."

"You're obviously in a bad mood. I'm not leaving you alone if you're going to be like this." Joshua tugged on Seokmin's sleeve urging the other to sit up.

"Oh really?" Seokmin snapped. "What do you mean?" He could feel Joshua getting worried but honestly, he couldn't careless. (That's a lie. Seokmin's heart clenched at Joshua's worried tone.) "You want to talk about it?"

"Fine." Seokmin replied, pushing himself up and onto a sitting position, leaning against the wall. "Let's talk."

"How long have we been together, hyung?" Joshua's eyebrows furrowed in confusion but he answered the question nevertheless. "Around six months already."

"What am- No, no. _Who_ am I?" Seokmin asked, arms crossing over his chest. "Lee Seokmin? Dokyeommie?"

Seokmin's glare deepened. "Try again. _who_  am I to _you_?"

"My- My boyfriend. Minnie, can you just get to the point?"

"You say you won't leave me alone, Joshua-hyung. But the truth is, you already keep doing so. Ever since we got together. Honestly, the only thing that changed was our label and the rare kisses and cuddles we shared during the first two months." Seokmin let out. "Sometimes, I even think that our relationship was better before we got together and we were just pining over one another. Better than this."

Joshua was surprised. Honestly, he was aware that he and Seokmin weren't exactly the usual couple but he couldn't believe that Seokmin thought that.

"Don't get me wrong hyung. I still like you and my feelings haven't changed. But it hurts so much whenever you walk away after just a few minutes of being with me. Whenever you push me away and it just hurts."

"But, y-you're the one that told me to keep our relationship a secret. You're the one that told me that you don't want anyone to know just yet. H-How is it my fault?"Joshua struggled to choose his words, scared of letting this blow up but he couldn't control his bit of pent up frustration on their relationship as well. "Besides, I don't walk away. Everytime I try to spend time with you, you're either practicing or suddenly Soonyoung and Seungkwan come to get you. It's not completely my fault, Min."

"So you're telling me that I'm at fault?" Seokmin replied, disbelief lacing his words. "Not exactly, no. But a relationship is a two-way street Seokmin. Stop focusing on just your perspective."

Both boys were talking with dangerous frustration and anger edging their words. Still, they kept their voices low, keeping in mind that the some of the members were just in the other room.

"Well, I don't see any problems from your perspective since you're probably all comfortable with Jeonghan-hyung. Honestly, it's okay. It's for fanservice and shit but both of you still keep at it even if there aren't any cameras around." Seokmin let out an annoyed sigh, pushing him off the wall and sitting on the edge of the bed beside Joshua. "Together, we aren't even that popular with fans so we could just blame it on fanservice too. When I told you to keep our relationship a secret, I didn't mean that you had to distance yourself from me as both a boyfriend and as a friend."

"Jeonghan and I are just friends. I'm so damn tired of repeating that over and over again, Seokmin. We may be touchy-touchy but that's how Jeonghan is. You can't blame him. It's part of his personality so you can't really do anything about that." Joshua argued.

"Even now you're going to defend him? Unbelievable. You'd think you two are more of a couple than he and Seungcheol-hyung is." Seokmin scoffed. "We're definitely out of comparison."

"Look who's talking. Aren't you married with Soonyoung?" Joshua snapped back. "'Seokmin, marry me,' 'Soonyoung-ie, I love you!' 'Hubby, let's go on a date shall we?' It's so damn annoying to watch." The elder clenched his jaw, tearing his gaze from his boyfriend's face. "But then again, your relationship with his is so much better than ours. Why don't you marry him for real?"

Seokmin stared back at Joshua, jaw slack. "He's got Jihoon-hyung for fuck's sake! You know I don't like him that way. You'd think after years of being with us, you'd understand that those were just fucking skits. Annoying? That's just so fucking immature of you."

"Says the one getting petty jealousy over my bestfriend."

It happened so fast yet so terrifyingly clear. Seokmin's eyes flashed red, his hands reaching out and fisting Joshua's shirt and shoving him backwards. Other members be damned.

"I hate you. I hate you so goddamn much. How dare you fucking call this petty jealousy? If anything you're the petty one, getting jealous over silly skits." Seokmin gritted out, his voice raised and trembling with anger. "You have no fucking idea how much I've been hurting these past four months, hyung. So don't you dare call me petty."

Joshua snapped as well. He shoved Seokmin backwards off the bed, the younger falling down against the wall. "Stop it! Stop thinking that you're the only one hurting! Stop being so fucking close-minded, Seokmin! _You_  were the one that told me to hide _this_ so you've got no reason to complain!" Seokmin stood up, glaring at Joshua.

"Yeah, fine! But you didn't have to flaunt that fact out by being so damn couply with Jeonghan-hyung. And before you defend your _boyfriend,_ " Seokmin spat the last word out, voice filled with contempt. He grasped the front of Joshua's shirt. "It's not just Jeonghan-hyung. You're also sweet and close with everyone: Seungcheol-hyung, Wonwoo-hyung, Jihoon-hyung, Seungkwan, and even fucking Chan! Everyone except me!"

* * *

Seungcheol and Jihoon managed to finish up earlier than planned and arrived at the dorm together, only to be met with two slightly familiar voices shouting angrily.

"Who's that?" Jihoon asked. Seungcheol shrugged. "I've never heard those two voices yell before. They sound familiar though..."

They went to the living room to see Jeonghan, Minghao, Jun, Chan stare at the direction of the rooms.

"Who was that?" Jihoon repeated, asking the other members.

"I-" Chan faltered, hearing another yell this time catching the faint mention of Jeonghan's name. They shot a look at Jeonghan who looked as clueless as they are. "I think it's Seokmin-hyung." Chan finished a bit shakily. "I'm not sure who the other one is though. But Seokmin-hyung doesn't get-"

"-angry." Jeonghan finished for him. "Although I'm afraid to admit it, but I think it's Shua."

"Shua?" Seungcheol echoed, walking towards the rooms.

"Y-yeah. Seokkie seemed to be in a bad mood earlier and Shua went to ask what was wrong. He's been there since."

"Then there's definitely something wrong if those two are this angry."

* * *

"So tell me, Hong Joshua, did you really mean what you said when you confessed to me? Because I can't see that right now."

Joshua scoffed, running his hand through his hair in frustration. "Now you're going to doubt my feelings? Are you serious right now?"

"You never did anything to prove it anyway." Seokmin shot back. "How was I going to believe you?"

"It's not like you did anything either, Seokmin." Seokmin laughs. But it was cold and mirthless, void of actual happiness. "If I knew we'd turn out this way, I wouldn't have done this... relationship."

"So that's it? This is how it's going to end?" Seokmin opened his mouth to respond when Seungcheol looked in, Jeonghan, Jihoon and Jun behind him.

"What?" Joshua snapped at them, pissed off, at the four by the doorway catching them by surprise.

"Well, we- heard you guys fightin-"Jeonghan started.

"It's none of _your_ business." Seokmin coldly cut off Jeonghan, his gaze terrifyingly scary.

"Seokmin." Joshua said warningly. Seokmin shifted his glare to the american boy, undeterred. "You always defend him don't you? At this point, I'm not surprised anymore. After all, I've always been your last choice."

They went back to their own anger-filled bubble, the other four by the door already forgotten.

"I can relate." Joshua threw out. "You never made me a priority either. So I guess we're even. Since you didn't answer my question earlier, I'm taking that as a yes."

He gripped Seokmin's wrist and tugged it off his shirt.

"I'm done with this conversation."

Joshua turned and left, pushing his way past the the rest who couldn't seem to leave after all they've seen.

A few seconds later, they heard the front door slam and maybe if they listened hard enough, they'd hear two hearts breaking.

Seokmin felt his heart drop the moment Joshua turned away from him and his chest suddenly felt a whole lot heavier.

Swallowing down the lump in his throat, "Show's over. Go away." He walked over and pushed them back and slammed the door in their faces.

They didn't get to see the tears threatening to spill down Seokmin's cheeks.

Maybe Joshua was right. It was just petty jealousy. Fuck. **** ****


	2. i love you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Or it might have been when Seokmin was just being Seokmin and Joshua just couldn't help himself from falling.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (excessive over use of the words "sorry" and "love.")
> 
> So I promised y'all fluff and thou shalt have fluff. ♡
> 
> But... just a bear a little more angst before the fluff, i promise (i hope) it'll be worth it. 
> 
> enjoy !!!
> 
> \+ yall understand why i put in the tags "everyone calls joshua joshua and not jisoo" at the end

Joshua stormed out of the dorm, slamming the door on his way out. He might've been filled with anger but only one thought kept flashing in his mind. 

_He and Seokmin were done._

He wiped away the tears as he walked away, hiking his scarf higher to cover his mouth and nose. 

Joshua had no idea of where he was going and all he wanted to do was get away. His anger hadn't disappeared yet, instead he redirected it at himself. Joshua was so damn angry at himself and he regretted every single word that came from the fight. He hurt Seokmin and Seokmin hurt him back.

"I'm so, so, stupid." He mumbled, sitting down on a park bench his head cradled in his hands. "Dammit." 

* * *

Knowing Seokmin was one of the best things Joshua remembers. 

He remembered being a trainee and labeling Seokmin as the loud, happy, vocalist that could hit those high notes. 

He admired Seokmin's vocal talent but he was jealous as well. Sure, Joshua's voice was nice, smooth, and soothing but it wasn't unique. Seokmin's voice was labeled angelic and special and he had a lot of lines while Pledis basically gave him short lines and only small chances to prove his talent. So, yes, Joshua was jealous of Seokmin. 

Besides, Seokmin was a mood-maker and he basically attracted people to be his friends. He could be as weird and as himself as much as he wanted to while Joshua couldn't since scared of his LA image. He was scared to be as outgoing as the others since he was basically a foreigner and the only people he could talk to were Hansol, Jun, and Minghao. 

But Jun and Minghao had each other and Hansol had been living in Korea since he was five years old so no chance. ( but Joshua couldn't understand why if Seokmin was the one who asked him about LA,he didn' t mind it at all. ) 

A lot of people expected him to end up with Jeonghan, but he never saw Jeonghan in that light. (maybe once during the Mansae era, but it didn't last) What no one expected though, was him to fall for Seokmin. 

Sweet, happy, mood-making Seokmin. Selfless, peace-keeping, hardworking Seokmin. Joshua was always wary of Seokmin. Seokmin appeared to be wearing his heart on his sleeve, constantly showing his emotions but the only emotions he actually showed were the happy ones. And Joshua knew because he was just like that. 

He couldn't remember when or how he fell for the younger boy. Maybe when it was during trainee days when he was frustrated about his singing and constantly practiced his singing ( then he had sore throat after the first two weeks) and Seokmin caught him at 2 am, just two months short of their debut, repeating his part over and over again. Seokmin offered to help him as long as he didn't overexert his throat again. 

Or maybe it was during their promotions for Adore U after a Music Bank performance and everyone was tired and high off the feeling of being able to perform as debuted idols. 

Seokmin's hair was plastered to his forehead with sweat and he turned to Joshua and smiled the brightest smile he'd seen. 

Or it might have been when Seokmin was just being Seokmin and Joshua just couldn't help himself from falling.

* * *

One of the happiest moments of his life was definitely when Seokmin accepted his impromptu confession in the studio, both of them sitting on the floor cross-legged and Joshua just couldn't control his feelings. (Seokmin looked so freaking handsome when he sang, sue Joshua) 

And even though they hid their relationship from everybody, Joshua would never trade the moments when they'd be together. 

The short Han River dates on the guise that they were going to buy groceries for the dorm, the movie cuddles during some day-offs when everyone was away and the short, soft, sweet kisses in the waiting rooms and bathrooms whenever they were alone. 

What Joshua wanted to take back though, was his harsh, hurtful words he'd thrown at his boyfriend and Seokmin. He wanted Seokmin back. 

And maybe if he was as bold and confident like Seungcheol, Jun, or Soonyoung, maybe he could. But he was Joshua. He was timid and scared and he knew he didn't deserve Seokmin back. 

Definitely not after the fact that he initiated their break up. "I hate myself." Joshua sobbed, letting his tears flow freely and get soaked up by his scarf instead. 

He needed Seokmin.

* * *

**9:30 pm**

Jeonghan had finally stopped his incessant pacing, thanks to Seungcheol pulling him down to sit on the couch and holding him there.

Wonwoo and Mingyu arrived, apologizing that they hadn't been able to go home earlier, since Jeonghan forced them to continue on their date instead of going home. 

"It's fine." Seungcheol interrupted. "You wanted to spend your day-off on a date. It's fine. We didn't know this would happen anyway." 

"What's the situation now, hyung?" Wonwoo asked, slipping down on the couch beside Jeonghan. "It's been five hours since Joshua stormed out and he left his phone here and Seokmin hasn't come out of his room yet. Jun, Minghao, and Hansol offered to go and look for Joshua. But I don't think they've found him yet."

A silence fell over the remaining members. Speaking of which, Junhui suddenly walked in the dorm carrying Minghao on his back and Hansol following the pair. "He slipped on a patch of snow." The eldest of the three explained. "There's actually nothing wrong with him but he whined like a bitch until I offered to carry him." Minghao promptly smacked the back of his head and hopped of Junhui's back.

"We couldn't find him. Sorry." Hansol murmured. Jeonghan groaned, wrapping himself around Seungcheol. "It's already winter! What if he freezes? What if he never comes back?" He wailed.

"Don't be so dramatic, Jeonghan-hyung." Jihoon replied. "Joshua-hyung's responsible enough. And even though he might have left in a fit of anger, he's probably sobered up by now. Also, he loves us too much to actually leave us. I trust Joshua-hyung to come back."

"That's true."

"Hey," Chan started. "I never really did know why they were fighting." Jun tapped his chin. "I think Seokmin was angry at Jeonghan-hyung for some reason. And..."

"They were talking some stuff about prioritizing each other, Seokmin mentioned about Joshua defending Jeonghan, and something about ending something..." Seungcheol's eyes widened in realization. "You don't think-" 

"That they were in a relationship?" Soonyoung gasped. "No way. Seokminnie would've definitely told me first. No, no, no." 

"Even if they did, why would they keep it a secret? It's not like we'll judge them or anything." Wonwoo said, gesturing to the other couples in the room.

"I don't know."

* * *

2:15 am

Joshua rubbed his hands on the hot packs he bought from the convenience store while he was out. His scarf was wound around the lower half of his head up to his ears but his short breaths still let out a small puff of mist hang in the air. 

He had been standing infront of the dorm door for over 20 minutes now, deciding whether to come in or not. 'Seokmin's probably in his room, Joshua. The other members won't bother you too much after seeing your state.' Joshua thought, assuring himself. 'Probably.'

He was glad he managed to bundle himself up before going out or else he would've frozen up in the 9 hours he was out. "You can do this, Josh. You're good." He brought his hand out  of his pockets and stuck his key in the lock, yelping at the cold metal of the door handle.

"Well, um," Joshua brought out one hot pack and used it as a glove to turn and open the door. He silently slipped inside, sighing in relief at the sight of the lights off. But a small wave of guilt hit him as he saw some of the other members curled up sleeping on the couch and some on the floor, probably waiting for him to come home. 

"Sorry." He whispered to his friends, slipping past him to go to the kitchen to go get some food. Which apparently was _not_ a good idea. 

Seokmin was bent down, squatting in front of the fridge looking for something to eat as well. He froze as soon as he saw Joshua enter the kitchen,dropping the bread he was holding.

"Oh, um, uh..." Joshua stammered, his hand over his rumbling stomach. (he should've definitely bought some food at the convenience store too.) 

"Hyung." Seokmin breathed out. His eyes were a bit puffy and red and his throat sounded dry. (Joshua still thought he looked handsome, though.) "You came back."

Joshua opened his mouth but no words seemed to come out. "I..." He cleared his throat and tried again. "I wouldn't leave you guys. I c _ouldn't_ leave you guys."

Seokmin nodded and his h eyes flitted over to Joshua's hands over his stomach. "Are you hungry, hyung? I'm making ramyeon. And bread, I guess." He gestured to the piece of bread on the floor. "I haven't eaten dinner yet." 

Joshua stopped. Was it really okay for Seokmin? For him? But before he could stop himself, he found himself saying, "If it's okay for you, then yeah, uh, I'll join you." 

He hesitantly stepped towards Seokmin, helping him prepare ramyeon while the younger busied himself with putting jam on a few slices of bread. 

The silence was suffocating and both of them were making a consious effort to not brush against the other. But for some reason, Joshua felt comfortable. Or maybe it was just because of Seokmin and the fact that they probably seemed so domestic, preparing food together, aside from the fact that they just broke up less the 12 hours earlier.

He wanted this. They wanted this. This was the type of relationship Joshua wanted to have with Seokmin and this type of moment was what Seokmin always wanted to share with Joshua. (it was a shame Seokmin was so scared) 

After finishing cooking the ramyeon, Joshua set the two bowls on the counter and looked at Seokmin awkwardly.

"If you don't mind, hyung," Seokmin started, keeping his eyes glued to the plate of bread he was carrying. "I don't think it's a good idea to eat in the dark and I don't want to open the light since it might wake them up so, can we eat at..." Seokmin trailed off, nudging his head in the direction of the rooms. 

"Oh!" Joshua realized after a few seconds, his cheeks pinking. "Y-yeah. Okay." He picked up the two bowls of ramyeon and followed Seokmin to his room. 

As soon as Joshua closed the door behind him, Seokmin regretted suggesting that they eat in his room. Alone. Where it was bright and he could see Joshua perfectly. At least in the kitchen, it was joint to the living room so they were completely alone. And it was dark.

'Of course,' Seokmin thought bitterly, 'No one can move on in less than 12 hours.' Joshua looked as good as always, his cheeks and nose extremely pink (from the cold, Seokmin assumes ~~he was wrong~~ ), and his hair speckled with snow and his frame looking small (and cute) bundled up in his jacket, parka, and coat. (Seokmin wanted to cuddle him so bad) 

They awkwardly sat on the floor, the food between them. "Um, what are you waiting for?" Joshua asked, fidgeting with his fingers. Seokmin stared at him blankly. "Aren't you going to say grace, hyung? This is technically a meal, you know."

Joshua met Seokmin's eyes, surprised. "But, I thought that.." His cheeks pinked even more. "I was the only one who did that." Joshua hurriedly finished.

"I may not be in the same religion as you, hyung, but I respected you and I always waited for you to say your grace before eating." Seokmin answered. 

"Oh. Thanks." Joshua mumbled out a prayer before looking at Seokmin and picking up his chopsticks. "Let's eat?" Seokmin let out a small grin (Joshua suddenly couldn't breathe) and picked up his chopsticks as well. 

They ate slowly in silence, which thankfully was less suffocating than before, as if they were savoring the moment. (although they probably wouldn't admit it.)

"Hyu- Joshua." Seokmin broke the silence, placing his chopsticks on top of his bowl. Joshua froze mid-bite, anxiously looking up at Seokmin. He quickly chewed and swallowed on his bread, choking a little. "Yeah?" He managed to cough out. 

"Seokmin?" Joshua said, tilting his head to the side (stop that, you look so adorable  ~~Seokmin wanted to scream~~ ), looking at the younger boy who closed his eyes and was breathing slowly. "You okay?"

"Yeah. Just, give me a minute." Seokmin replied. 'Stop hyperventilating. You can do this.' Seokmin chanted in his thoughts. "I can't do this!" He cried out to a startled Joshua.

"You can't do what?" Joshua asked, voice trembling. 'Did I do something wrong?' He started to panic. 

"I'm sorry, Seokmin! For whatever it is and for everything, I'm sorry!" Joshua cried out at the same time Seokmin yelled out, "I'm sorry, hyung! I'm really sorry for saying those words at you!" 

"...What?" 

Seokmin cleared his throat. "I'm sorry, hyung. I got jealous that you were spending the least time with me and I just got so caught up in my jealousy and in being petty that well, lead to our fight. I know that it's partly my fault and that I shouldn't have been scared of the other members." He clasped his hands together, glancing at Joshua who was looking on at Seokmin with glassy eyes. 

"Oh no, hyung please don't cry." Joshua shook his head with a small smile on his face and indicated Seokmin to continue. "Well, I'm sorry for blaming Jeonghan-hyung. Don't get me wrong, I love him too. Sorry for doubting your feelings and for lying that I regretted our relationship. Yeah, I'm sorry I tried to make you jealous by being so over the top with Soonyoung-hyung, I even made Jihoon-hyung pissed at me." Seokmin chuckled nervously. "I don't hate you, hyung and I- my feelings haven't changed at all. I'm sorry I didn't stop you from leaving and I'll never let you go again."

Joshua let out a sound that sounded cross between a laugh and a sob, his arm going up to cover his face. "I'm sorry too, Seokmin. That I neglected you and I distanced myself from you too much. I'm sorry for the hurtful words towards you and Soonyoung and for calling you selfish. For calling you close-minded and petty and for prioritizing Jeonghan over you. I'm sorry for initiating our breakup and I regret everything I said earlier and I want to take it all back."

"I forgive you."

Seokmin walked over to Joshua's side and hugged him pulling him close to his chest. "You confessed the first time, hyung. Can I be the one to confess now?" Joshua nodded and wrapped his arms around Seokmin's waist, clutching the fabric of his shirt in his hands.

"Hong Joshua, I... Love you so much. I love every single thing about you, from your voice to your habit of caring for everyone. I love your weirdness and quirks and I have mine too so why don't we be weird and quirky together?" 

"I love the way you correct us and laugh at us whenever we say something wrong in english but afterwards you go and correct it properly anyway. I love the way you sing, all soft and comfortable and beautiful  I love your Sunday Morning renditions, yes, even the silly ones, and I love the way you play your guitar and your funny rhyming raps. I love your soft hair and your cat-like eyes and your nose and your lips. I love how you look like an angel and how you're my angel."

Seokmin paused to press a quick kiss on the top of Joshua's head, smiling. "I love how you say my name and I love your hugs and your kisses that you give to me because I know that it's more special than the ones you give to the other members. I love your friendships with all the other members and how each one is unique yet you're just being you. I love how when you get angry, you never really initiate it and honestly, I don't know how I managed to do it."

"I love it when you call me Minnie or any of those shortcuts of my name because it feels special when you say it and I wish I could call you something special that only I could call with too. I love it how you make a consious effort to make the other person comfortable in an entirely uncomfortable situation. I love it when you wear those headbands our fans give you because you look so darn cute in them and it does not help my heart, sue me. I love it when you sleep and when you wake up, as creepy as that sounds, because you look so adorable with your sleepy eyes and your dry voice saying 'Good morning.' I love it when you perform because you look so damn ethereal and honestly, I'm just so lucky to have you." Joshua tightened his hug on Seokmin and pressed his face to Seokmin's chest even more, muffling a choked sob. 

"I love you so much, Joshua-hyung. And I'm so sorry for everything. Can you give me another chance? And I promise, no more hiding this time." 

Joshua lifted his tear-streaked face off Seokmin's shirt and hurriedly wiped his eyes. "Sorry for wetting your shirt." Seokmin simply smiled and shook his head. 

"Before I give my answer, which you'll probably get during my confession, let me say something too." Joshua wiped his eyes and cleared his throat, fiddling with Seokmin's hands. "I love you too, Seokmin. I always have. You're special to me and I treasure that fact. I love your laugh and your silly antics and skits with Seungkwan and Soonyoung. I love your angelic, high-pitched voice and I love it whenever you hit those high notes and chorus lines on stage. I love it when you dance- or when you just perform in general because you look so damn good and content, it's honestly not good for my heart. Not to be that type of person, but I love your face. I love your sharp bone structure and your nose, your mouth, your jawline, your eyes that form cresents when you smile. I love your height even though you're just 2 cm taller, but I like perching my chin on your shoulder, so that's good." Joshua murmured with a smile, tracing Seokmin's jaw.

"I love that same dumb smile on your face whenever you take a selca but I hate how my heart feels like it's running a marathon everytime you do so. I love being with you and even though we don't interact much in the public eye like me and Jeonghan or you and Soonyoung, I don't mind because it feels as though what we have is something only for us. I love your high-pitched screams and your funny english sentences though I always feel bad whenever I laugh at them. I love your aegyo and sometimes, I just think like how can someone be that adorable? I love it when you're happy because if you're happy, then as cheesy as it is, I'm happy too." Seokmin let out a huge grin at that, causing Joshua to laugh. 

"Yeah, just like that. I love it when we take care of each other and when we do things together because it feels domestic so sue me for being a romantic. I love your song covers and I'll admit, I listen to at least one every day. My day isn't complete until I listen to you sing. I love you because you're the sunshine of the group and you rarely fail in bringing the group's mood up. I love your movie choices," Joshua pauses to laugh at that.

"But maybe it's because of the fact that any movie we watch, we end up cuddling. I love your sweet, passionate kisses and I love how you love being an idol, being a performer, being part of Seventeen and sure enough, I love how you love everyone, our members, Carats, our staff, your family, your friends, yourself. I love how you love me and I love at how much I love you." 

"I love you so damn much, Lee Seokmin. And yes, I'll say yes to that chance because no way in hell am I letting you go again." 

Both boys now had tears staining their cheeks and their hands clasped together. 

Seokmin leaned in towards Joshua, pausing just centimeters before his lips asking permission if he could go through. Joshua met him halfway through. 

"We'll tell them first thing in the morning," Seokmin promises Joshua. The elder beams at that and kisses him again.

They get the empty bowls and plate and chopsticks and bring them to the kitchen. 'The air feels a lot more comfortable and it feels a lot more domestic,' Joshua muses to himself, smiling widely. 

They lie down in Seokmin's bed beside each other, legs tangled together and arms thrown over each other's waists and torsos.

"Minnie." Joshua murmurs sleepily, face hidden in the crook of Seokmin's neck. "You can call me Jisoo."

Seokmin grins at the fact that Joshua remembers the sentence that he wanted to call Joshua by a special name in his confession and holds the other boy tighter.

"Jisoo." He tests out. "Jisoo-hyung." 

He resumes singing to the other boy until the both of them fall asleep, holding each other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I confess: that their confessions for each other were shameless appreciation for Jisoo and Seokmin on my part ♡
> 
> I LOVE THESE TWO BOYS AND THEY MAKE ME SO SOFT I CRII PLS CRY WITH ME 
> 
> Kudos and comments highly appreciated~ ☆♡ >.<
> 
> \+ there'll be an epilogue have no fear


	3. epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He lifted their hands up, still intertwined and smiled softly. "I love how our hands look together." He opened up his fingers and pressed their hands flat against each other, palm to palm.
> 
> "They're perfect."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i m s o f t
> 
> &
> 
> I L O V E B O Y F R I E N D S
> 
> and honestly this plot has gone out of proportions smh

Jihoon wakes up earlier than the others, trapped in Soonyoung's arms and Chan's head leaning on his stomach. 

He pushes both away and stands up, stretching his limbs, annoyed at the cricks and soreness he feels. 

Jihoon walks out the living room, careful not to step on anyone, although he did resist the urge to step on Junhui and Seungcheol's hands and arms. 

He downs a glass of water to ease his dry throat, and wondered who brought the jam out of the fridge and why the bread was left lying on the counter, thankfully sealed. He also wonders if Joshua managed to get home safely and he really hopes his hyung did. 

Jihoon continues his morning tirade as he walks towards the bathroom, walking past Seokmin's room. He notices that the door was open just a crack and peered in to see if his dongsaeng was alright. 

He was pleasantly surprised to see Seokmin and Jisoo sleeping beside each other, tangled together despite the empty beds around them. He closes the door quietly, laughing to himself. 

'Soonyoung is definitely going to throw a fit.' Jihoon chortles quietly. 'I'll be there to calm him down anyway.' 

He hums, his mood happier and continues his morning tirade.

* * *

"Can you guys not... stare at us so intensely?" Seokmin asked uncomfortably, gnawing on his lower lip. 

Joshua wasn't meeting their eyes either, his gaze glued on to his lap. But he still squeezed Seokmin's hand in  reassurance. 

They were currently sitting on one couch and the other eleven were on the opposite side,staring at them like predators watching their prey. And it was definitely making Seokmin and Joshua uncomfortable. 

"Explain." Soonyoung demanded sulking, arms crossed over his chest and Jihoon sitting on his lap to control him. 

"Well," Joshua started, "We're dating." Seokmin gave out sheepish smile and lifted up their intertwined hands.

"Why didn't you tell me first?!" Soonyoung cried, leaning forward to rush at Seokmin but Jihoon held him down. "We're supposed to be bros! Bestfriends! Best buddies for life! Partners in cri-" Jihoon smashed a pillow in his face, muffling Soonyoung's betrayed cries.

"Ignore him. Continue." The black-haired producer prompted the couple to continue. "I'm so sorry, Soonyoung!" Seokmin cried out as well, looking extremely guilty but Joshua tightened his grip. 

"We didn't even know that you guys were even romantically interested in each other." Junhui said smirking. "What, so for some months before, you two were probably pining on each other and we didn't even know?" Seungkwan asked incredulously.

"I didn't think it was a big deal." Joshua shrugged. "I found Seokmin attractive and I really liked him and I accepted that fairly quickly. I knew I wasn't exactly straight when I was in LA. I was simply content with being with him everyday even if we weren't together. So I didn't tell anyone." 

"Not even me." Jeonghan mourned sorrowfully. Seungcheol laughed and patted his boyfriend's hair. "Well, you're pretty gossipy, Hannie. I understand why Joshua wouldn't have wanted to tell you." Jeonghan smacked his boyfriend on the arm which spurred him to laugh harder.

"Hyungs... why were you fighting?" Chan asked, skipping right to the problem. 

"Uh, miscommunication problems. We had a falling out and we broke up for ten, eleven hours." Seokmin laughed. "Then we got back together. I was the one who told Joshua to hide it in the first place because I was scared. But that didn't exactly do any favors for us, obviously."

"We're just happy for you guys." Wonwoo said, holding a bowl of cereal. "Though both of you are really good at hiding your relationship." Seokmin and Joshua both smiled at the rapper thankfully. 

"Okay, guys. Practice time. Chop, chop!" Everyone groaned at Seungcheol's words. "Please, Seungcheol-hyung. I beg you not to say 'chop chop' again. Please." 

Groaning, everybody dispersed save for Seungkwan, Soonyoung and  Jeonghan who stopped to intercept the couple.

"We're happy for you guys, but why didn't you tell us that you atleast had a crush on one another?" Jeonghan asked, pouting. "We told you, we didn't think it was a big deal."

"Well, how long was your relationship? Maybe we'd feel better if we knew how long you kept it from us."

"...About seven months." Seokmin mumbled, biting down on his lip to stifle his laughter. 

"Seven months?!"

* * *

"Told you that you have nothing to worry about, Minnie." Joshua said, sitting beside his boyfriend on the studio floor as they were taking a break. 

He lifted their hands up, still intertwined and smiled softly. "I love how our hands look together." He opened up his fingers and pressed their hands flat against each other, palm to palm.  

"They're perfect." 

Seokmin beamed at his boyfriend and pressed a kiss to his temple. " _You're_ perfect, Jisoo-hyung." 

"I love you so much."

  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AAAAAHHHH THIS IS THE FIRST MUTICHAPTER FIC IVE SUCESSFULLY FINISHED IM CRYINF
> 
> im not sorry for the Soonhoon and Jeongcheol in this chap bc i love them :3 ♡
> 
> Kudos and comments highly appreciated~ ☆ >.<
> 
> THANK YOU FOR READING !!!
> 
> \+ look at this cute shit :  
> https://mobile.twitter.com/svt_seoksoo/status/900671541473665024

**Author's Note:**

> i dont know much abt their room arrangements even though i searched it up bc there's inconsistencies so...
> 
> kudos and comments are highly appreciated :>


End file.
